


Everyone has a Problem About Themselves

by orphan_account



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Break Up, Car Accidents, Loneliness, M/M, Men Crying, Mental Breakdown, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, drug abuse tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22351162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Charlie is addicted to pot. He took weed that makes him hallucinate and he thinks he saw Sean and Jake kissing.That never happened.Danton listened to Charlie's story and has a fight with Sean about it.
Relationships: Danton Heinen/Sean Kuraly, Jake DeBrusk/Charlie McAvoy
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [big_zs_d_stan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/big_zs_d_stan/gifts).
**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie makes a lie

“Sean.”

“Yes?” Sean looked up from his phone and looked at Danton who had a serious face. A real serious face. Sean gulped. 

“Are you,” Danton looked down for a second like if he needed to get some confidence, and then looked up at Sean again. “Have you been cheating on me?”

Sean dropped his phone but he didn’t snatch it up. He looked a bit coldly at Danton, why would he cheat on one of the most perfect people in the whole entire fucking world. Then he started to connect the dots. “You think I’m cheating on you with Jake?”

“Just tell me, Sean.”

“Why would I?” Sean got up and stared at Danton angrily. “Why would I fuck a guy that already has a boyfriend? I already have a great boyfriend too!”

“Charlie saw Jake kiss you last night at the ping pong thing,” Danton yelled his finger fiercely. “And I knew he wasn’t lying! The poor kid literally had an asthma attack and he doesn’t even fucking have asthma, Sean! You were kissing Jake last night did you?”

“No!” Sean yelled. I don’t even fucking remember! Last night Jake and Charlie were fucking smoking weed! Remember they told us?”

“I don’t even think you can hallucinate on weed, Sean!” Danton roared. 

“Why do you think I would even cheat on you?” Sean started to cry, his cold tears against his hot, angry cheeks. “I fucking love you!”

Danton started to cry too. “I’m sorry, I just can’t. I’m going to sleepover Chara’s tonight.”

As Danton got his keys and wallet, Sean grabbed his arm full of worry about their relationship. “Danton, please…”

Danton looked up and opened his mouth to say something but nothing ever came out. Sean knew at that moment he finally made Danton realize that he hadn’t been kissing up to Jake, but they were so deep infighting, they shouldn’t be together at the same house. 

“I’m sorry,” Danton whispered as he shut the door and left Sean on the ground bawling. 

\-----

An hour later, Sean was still at the same place, he was on the floor right next to the door that Danton closed. His eyes were dry but they were still crying a tear out every five minutes and went back to dry again.

He felt his phone ring on the floor and he grabbed it like there was no tomorrow. “Danton?”

It was Charlie instead. Sean sighed and swiped forward up anyways, and there he looked at the terrible quality of Charlie on facetime. 

“Sean, are you okay?” Charlie said in a rush. Sean shook his head and sighed. 

“Did Jake really kiss someone?” Sean whimpered. “Did he kiss someone that looked like me? Or where you just fucking high?”

That last question came out like a bite from a dog after it was growling for seconds.

“I-” Charlie stammered. “I was high and he didn’t really. I think I took the type of weed you see things that aren’t there. Why?”

“Danton said you fucking bawled to him like a fucking baby!” Sean hissed. He hated to be angry with his teammates, especially at Charlie, but everything was coming off so quickly. “You said that I was kissing Jake!”

Charlie was quiet for a full minute as Sean started crying again and tears fell down quicker than Danton shut the door. “Wait, what did Danton-”

“We fucking fought because your druggie ass made up fucking shit!” Sean hissed. “And he fucking left me! Just because-”

“Sean, Danton has anxiety.” Jake’s voice came into existence in the call. “Charlie, lemme have your phone.”

Sean was jealous of how calmly Jake was being to Charlie after hat happened last night and how Jake’s voice had no anger toward his boyfriend. 

“Some things for Danton can be too much for him, and you know that.” Jake started to explain. “You also know he had a rough childhood too, he had a lot of bullies at school when growing up so things are a bit hard on-”

“Just because he has anxiety and a bad childhood doesn’t mean he can lash out at me!” Sean sneered. 

“We have to come over” he heard Charlie whispered to Jake. “I’m really worried about him.”

“Alright, Sean. We are coming over there whether you like it or not.”

\-----

When Jake opened the door, he was surprised to see Sean looking sluggish at all hell. It only had been twenty minutes when Charlie started his car but he had gotten worst. Sean’s hair was messy and there were numerous bags under Sean’s eyes. 

“Sean, Oh Sean.” Charlie blubbered and he took Sean in a full embrace. Jake watched Sean slowly fall into Charlie’s hug like he had no energy in him. “I’m sorry. It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s been a long day,” Sean shrugged. 

“Do you want me to make food?” Jake smiled softly, trying to cheer sean up. “I am the chef of the Bruins, after all.”

That joke always made Sean laugh. But he didn’t this time. Charlie let go of him in the hug and immediately Sean started to topple backward.

He was nothing without Danton. 

Charlie started to coo him and guided him to his bedroom and after a few minutes, he went out. “He fell asleep.”

“Good,” Jake muttered and sat on the couch and put on the TV. “God, I just feel bad for both. You can’t really blame anyone about this either, you know?”

“Jake-” 

Before Charlie could even start his sentence, Jake shut him down. “Fuck it, people can be blamed, but it’s like, hard too actually. We shouldn’t have been smoking weed, Chuckie. Danton really needs a therapist for his past and anxiety stuff, and Sean needs to work on-”

“Sean has no fault in this, Jake,” Charlie whispered. His eyes were glassy and wet. “This all caused because of me. I did the drugs and-”

Charlie stopped and rested his head on Jake’s chest. “Everyone needs help right now.” 

“You’re right, baby.” 

\-----

Danton woke up at three in the morning when his phone started buzzing off. He squinted to see who it was, and it was labeled as “Cheeky Boy”. He mumbled and hit decline. 

Two minutes later, he got another call from Jake. Danton knew if Charlie called and declined and Jake called after that, it was serious. 

“What?” Danton whispered. “Why are you calling me?”

“Danton,” Jake’s voice was stern and concerning. “Sean needs you.”

“He’s probably happy that I left, I was yelling at him and everything. Why?”

“Um,” Danton heard Charlie in the background crying. Jake finally got his words. “He is really low right now. He’s exhausted and he hasn’t eaten anything. He keeps waking up and crying.”

“Listen-” 

“Danton, just please get here as soon as you can. I know you’re like trapped in Zdeno’s house right now, but if you tell him, he’ll understand.”

Jake never used the word Zdeno before. That’s when Danton knew he was actually extremely serious.

“I want you to get a therapist, too.” 

Danton went wide-eyed in the dark guest bedroom. “Why? Jake, I am fine! Really, I am.”

“You have the worst anxiety and it keeps you from being truly happy,” Jake uttered. “I know, we were roommates. You always get controlled by your anxiety. I was the same way in high school.”

“Sean was-”

“Yes, he was angry,” Jake calmly spoke. “But he was angry because he loves you. He is like, he’s the person that would never cheat on you. Charlie was high and he’s trying to deal with it right now.”

Danton heard another person crying in the background. Sean. That drove him to the edge. “I’m coming.”

“Tell Chara or leave a note,” Jake reminded him. 

\-----

“It’s okay, Sean. He’s going to be here soon.”

Charlie felt more of a mess than Sean. He screwed this all up. 

Even before Jake, Charlie had an addiction to weed. Luckily his body turned the desire of it off during the season for an odd reason, but last night was different. Jake smoked a bit, not too much, and Charlie went wide-eyed. 

Charlie especially got addicted to it even more after game seven of the playoffs. It helped him cope and when Jake learned he smoked, Jake understood why Charlie did it. 

Now Charlie had all of his emotions out from that terrible game but was still adored it. 

He hated himself for it and he wanted to stop and now Jake wanted him to stop too. From him, he caused so much pain-

“Charlie,” Sean moaned in pain. “Danton should be here by now, where is he?”

“I,” Charlie shivered. Danton should have been here now. He should have been here five minutes ago. “I don’t know, Sean. rest up, it’s fine. Danton is fine-”

“Charlie?” Jake opened the door slightly. There was a pinch of panic on his face, but Sean didn’t seem to notice. “I need you for a second.”

Charlie nodded and bit his lip as he looked at Sean for a second. “I’ll be back okay?”

Sean shrugged and nodded. Charlie sighed as he stood from the bed and walked over to Jake, who shut the door. 

“What’s wrong?” Charlie was almost too scared to ask. 

“Is Sean, okay?” Jake mumbled, his eyes were dark with despair. Something was so off. “Does he know that Danton is coming over here?”

Charlie nodded. “Yeah. I told him that he was. I just wanted to make him be okay. I didn’t want him to be sad-”

“Danton got in a car crash,” Charlie saw the tears go down Jake’s cheeks. “His car flipped over and some of the car windows went into his chest. It’s critical.”

This is all my fucking fault, Charlie hissed in his brain when he went on the floor and he started bawling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie gets more weight on his chest.

Danton wasn’t speeding at all. He was just going through the arts in Boston where buildings were not even existent. That’s where the speeding was. But someone went through that red light. 

That person can go to fucking hell, Danton screamed in his head when he went through the green light and saw someone on the other side. That person was lightning speed. 

As that person’s car impacted Danton’s, all Danton could think about was Sean. The last time he kissed Sean. It was before the ping pong games. It was soft, calm, and loving. Danton knew that Sean had the same some that Danton had for Sean. 

But he ruined it. Danton went away and came back. 

When he felt his car getting flipped over, he didn’t know how many times, he was so angry at himself that the last thing he ever said to Sean was how he had to leave. 

Then everything went black as he felt a great amount of pain in his chest. 

\-----

“He’s what?” Sean hissed. Tears were dropping from his face like bullets. He started down at Jake, who had a serious tone in his eyes. 

Sean was completely insane now and he didn’t give a shit. 

“He got in an accident. Someone went through a red light at a hundred and eight miles per hour.”

“Is he going to be fucking okay?” Sean yelled in his face. 

Jake bit his lip and more anger soared through Sean’s blood. “I, Danton is in critical condition, he can live, but, but it’s rare. Have hope, please-”

Sean didn’t even know what he was doing when he got up from bed and opened the bedroom door to glare down at Charlie. He pointed his finger and yelled something at him. He was so drunk off despair, he didn’t know what he said. It all stopped when he felt a hand lashed out on his cheek and he got sense again. 

“Listen, Sean, get back-” Jake blocked his boyfriend off from Sean. “Danton is not a hundred percent going to die. You better-”

“Jake, stop!” Sean could hear Charlie’s pleas. “He’s right, he just needs sleep. Please… Jakey.”

“Charlie…” Sean tried to apologize for what he said but was blacked out by all the things that were going on. 

\-----

On Danton and Sean’s couch, Jake cried himself to sleep. Charlie was there to hold him though, petting his dark hair and cooing him to sleep. 

Jake made Charlie promise not to worry about the shit that went down, but he had to break that promise soon Jake fell asleep.

Sean was right. He was “a fucking idiot who should become a fucking stupid asshole since Danton’s most likely death was caused by” him. 

Charlie was a murderer. He wasn’t the person who would get the charges, but deep down inside that’s what he was. Without Danton, the team would lose a friend and a player, because of their stupid fat defenseman.

Very carefully, He moved Jake's head from his lap to a pillow. He ran his fingers in his dark, messy hair and kissed on the temple and shivered as he did it. He didn't think Jake would be really willing to even love him anymore. His heart broke because of that, but it was his punishment. 

Charlie looked at the pictures on the wall. There he was, a Danton Rodney Heinen when he was young. He looked so happy to be at his first hockey game. Another picture was from Danton’s first game playing. Sean was in the background, blushing as all hell. Another picture of them was on their first date in China. Danton kissed Sean unexpectedly in the photo and it was a team favorite photo. But the photo reminded how much pain Charlie caused. 

Then Charlie went to Sean’s room and looked at him softly. Sean’s eyes were red but closed and he was snoring softly. Charlie went up and at on the edge of the bed and lightly touched his pointer finger on Sean’s shoulder. 

“I-,” Charlie was about to say something, but nothing came out except the water from his eyes. 

He sat there and watched the sunrise up. He wanted to see if Danton was alright and tell him that he was so sorry for everything. But like a day, the baby grows and the man dies. 

Danton was a short day. 

\-----

Jake woke up with the door opening. He looked up and there was Charlie who had a bag full of donuts and three coffees. 

“Dude, where have you-”

“I came to get coffee for Sean,” Charlie stammered. “Something to cheer him up. He likes sugar in his coffee, right?” 

“Yeah,” Jake whispered. He obviously could tell that his boyfriend didn’t sleep at all last night. “Listen, Charlie?”

The cute dirty blonde put the donuts and drinks on the table. “Yeah, what is it?’

“What Sean said about you last night,” Jake got up from the couch and wrapped his arms around Charlie. “I want you to know that wasn’t true. He isn’t angry at you, he’s just in a very tight space right now. I’m not angry at you.” 

Charlie tried to budge away from Jake’s grip when he said the last part. 

“Hey, hey,” Jake hummed and gripped tighter. “I love you. If Danton would here right now, I bet he wouldn’t blame you one bit. Don’t be upset, Charlie. The mistake you had was nothing. Danton made the mistake to leave the house, the person that was speeding made a mistake of going too fast, that person is to blame.” 

But all of these things were all caused by me, Charlie whimpered to himself. He kept his grip close to Jake and sunk his head on his shoulder. 

“Hey,” Jake started rubbing his back. “Remember our song?” 

“Yeah.”

Jake chuckled, but Charlie could catch a sob in it. “If I had my harmonica with me I’d play it. I’d play it right now but Sean’s asleep.”

Charlie did a silent nod. He couldn’t believe that Jake still had some love for him. 

\-----

When Sean woke up, he pulled the blankets off of him and ran out of the door. He wanted to see Danton and how bad he was in, he was actually surprised when he opened the door to see Jake and Charlie in an embrace. 

“Can we go to the hospital please?” Sean asked awkwardly. “I, I really just want to see if Danton’s okay.” 

Jake lifted his head off of Charlie’s shoulder calmly and looked at Sean. “Now?”

“Yes,” Sean said quickly. He was a bit jealous that Charlie and Jake were holding each other. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” Jake shrugged and kissed Charlie’s cheek. “You wanna go to?”

“Sure.”

Charlie’s voice was so scared to Sean, it made him feel awful. Whatever he said last night just made it worse for Charlie. God, it made Sean feel awful whatever he did to the kid. 

“Hey, Sean,” Charlie grabbed a coffee and a bag from the counter. “I got these for you if you feel hungry. It’s just your favorite type of coffee and some donuts.”

Sean at first didn't do anything. He could only hear the pain in Charlie’s voice. Then he sighed and took the bag and the coffee. “Thank you, Chuckie.” 

\-----

The ride to the hospital was awful. For Charlie, it was worse than Sean and Jake. 

He sat in the back with Sean, while Jake was driving. Jake looked like he had such a desperation to go quickly to the hospital, but everyone in the car knew what happened when they would speed. 

Charlie watched carefully as Sean maliciously ate the donuts that he gave to him. The poor guy looked starved, from food and from Danton. Charlie wondered how Danton was looking at him now. 

Charlie was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t see Sean stare at him back. 

“Oh, sorry,” Charlie mumbled and looked down for a second. He remembered what Jake said, how he has a problem too of being harsh, but…

That didn’t seem right in Charlie’s head. He wanted to get all of his pain away, He wanted to smoke. He needed. But he told himself no. He told himself no. He told himself no no no no-

“Hey, Charlie,” Jake looked back at him. Charlie didn’t even realize that they were in the hospital parking garage and Sean already ran out of the car to the entrance. “We’re here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor charlie 
> 
> thank you for reading! I will get chapter 3 done soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie sees Danton.

“Hi,” Sean stared at the person at the front desk. “I’m Danton Heinen’s boyfriend, he got in a car crash in the middle of the night.”

“He’s in surgery right now,” the front desk lady looked down. Sean could see the woman’s look that the surgery was bad. “If you could, you can just sit in the waiting area over there, I’ll inform some of the surgeons.”

Sean nodded and thanked her and took a seat. All he could think about was Sean and all the years they knew each other, all the small kisses they made, just everything about Danton. He should have called his parents and tell him the news, but then again they probably already heard about it. 

A minute later Jake came with Charlie and sta right beside Sean. 

“What did the front desk say?” Jake asked. 

“He’s in surgery now,” Sean muttered, tears covering his eyes. “It doesn’t look good.”

Sean swore he saw Charlie who had his hand on his thigh, tighten his grip around his leg. He wondered how he felt after Sean yelled at him and about Danton’s surgery. 

“I have to go to the bathroom, I’ll be back,” Jake looked at Sean. “If his surgery ends, you can leave without me.”

Sean nodded and watched Jake go away, and when he was out of his sight, he looked at Charlie. There was a seat between them, so Sean decided to move closer to Charlie. 

“Chuck?”

Charlie did the faintest “Yeah?”

Sean looked at him and saw the anxiety in his eyes. He thought Danton was anxious, but oh god the whole situation made Charlie go on a whole nother level. “I, I just want to apologize for what I said last night. None of this was caused by you, Charlie. This was my and Danton’s fault.”

“But, but I-”

“You did take the drugs, but me and Danton were the ones that fought about it,” Sean looked down for a second, it was hard for him to remember everything Danton and Sean said during the fight. “We created it. We should have told each other in a more calm way, Charlie.”

Then all of a sudden, Charlie started quivering and looked down. His breath turned hoarsely too. Sean got nervous for a second and put his hand on Charlie’s shoulder, making the younger turned his head up. 

Charlie looked like he was about to burst in tears. 

“C’mon Charlie,” Sean got teary-eyed with him. It felt so weird to cry in public, but fuck it, it was a hospital. “Please don’t feel bad, please don’t feel bad. Charlie, please. Danton’s going to be okay, he’s going to be fine…”

Sean grabbed him tightly in a hug and cried into his shoulder. The pain was too much for him and Charlie, but for an odd reason, Charlie didn’t cry. 

It was like Charlie had no cry in him left. 

\-----

Jake washed his hands. He was nervous about Danton, so he started shaking when he washed them. 

When he left the bathroom he wondered how Charlie was feeling. His poor boyfriend, all the pain he had. Charlie was the person to stick to something he would believe in. These beliefs were often negative. It would take Jake so long to convince Charlie that his brain was wrong.

Jake would never mind that, he loved to help out Charlie because he wanted him truly happy. But Jake knew Charlie would never forgive what happened to Danton if he died. Poor Charlie would even blame it on his grave. 

Then he saw Charlie with Sean. They were hugging and crying, but Sean was bawling. It made him sick to his stomach about everything that happened. All this shit happened only in two days, and everyone had so much affect on it. 

Jake felt his phone ring. He looked down and it was Brad. 

“Hi,” Jake answered quickly. “Have you heard?”

“Yes!” Brad sounded like he was crying. “It’s been in the news everywhere! Is he at the hospital? Me and Bergy were going to come.”

Jake took a glance at Charlie. He looked so dead inside like he thought he caused everyone’s emotions to go like a fast train. He knew that people were sad and they wanted to see Danton was okay, but Jake loved his boyfriend more than anything. “He’s surgery right now, but Sean’s very upset. Right now he’s very, very upset though. I think it’s best that you won’t come, he really doesn’t want anyone around except me and Charlie for some odd reason.”

“Fucking fine,” Brad hissed. “Just keep me updated though, I’m really scared for the kid.”

\-----

Sean waited for two hours in a blank face. He was between Charlie and Jake in the waiting room just aimlessly waiting. Charlie stopped crying but he was doing the same thing as Sean. And Jake was answering calls for Danton’s family and friends and the team. 

Sean started to lose hope. He knew surgeries shouldn’t last as long as two hours when it was around the heart area. He didn’t know what to do with a life without Danton. He didn’t realize he was crying until Charlie pointed it out. 

“C’mon Sean, he’s going to be fine,” Charlie whimpered and brushed his thumb on Sean’s cheek where a tear was. “He’s going to be fine, please, trust me please.”

“It’s just taking so long you know, Chuck?” Sean murmured and he closed his eyes, forcefully letting tears out. “I’m fine it’s okay Char-”

He opened his eyes straight away as he heard a new voice. 

“He’s done with his surgery. Do you want to see him?” One of the nurses asked. “You are here for Danton Heinen?’

Sean and Charlie got up almost immediately. Sean was more than overjoyed. “Yes, where is he?”

“Follow me,” the nurse said. Jake finally got up from his seat from calling Danton’s mom and the three followed the woman into a room. 

Sean felt his heart crack as he saw his boyfriend being connected with so many tubes and him asleep but still looked like he was in pain. The tears in his eyes started pouring down. “Danton…”

“He looks pretty bad now, but he’ll be better in the long wrong,” the nurse explained. “If you need anything or something happens, give a holler.”

As the nurse left, Sean quickly went to Danton’s side and went on his knees. He saw the feeder tube in his arm and the patches that covered up his surgery scars.   
Sean started to cry out even though his boyfriend was most likely going to be okay. “I’m so sorry, this is my fucking fault, I’m sorry…”

\-----

When Sean was at Danton’s side, Charlie only stood where he was and saw the mess he had made. Danton didn’t look normal anymore. His face was more white as ever and he saw the tips of the surgery and car crash scars on his chest. There was a big scab on Danotn’s left cheek that looked like it was opened up a number of times. 

Charlie didn’t know what to do anymore. What he did was take a seat next to Sean, who grabbed him and started crying into his shoulder. Jake, who had to stop in the hallway to make another call to Zdeno, came in and looked down at Charlie. 

He made that face that Charlie saw as to how Danton would probably be missing the rest of the season. That only made Charlie bite his lip and look down at Sean, who made another wail. 

Charlie held back tears as he started rocking Sean in a motherly manner. “Jake, did Zee say anything?”

Since there were no more chairs for Jake to sit at he went to stand right next to Charlie. “He’s coming. I tried to say that Sean doesn’t need commotion now, but he didn’t care.”

Sean lifted his head from Charlie’s shoulder and wiped his eyes. Charlie watched him as he took a glance at Danton and shuddered. “I don’t mind.”

“That’s good because he’s going right now.”

Sean unwrapped his arms around Charlie and wiped his eyes, and Charlie had an even worse look at Danton. He looked lifeless. Charlie saw Danton sleep on plane rides, but with him looking like he was barely breathing made him look like they were saying their last goodbye together. 

If Danton ever woke up, Charlie would ball up like Sean and say sorry even if Danton said to stop. 

“Hey,” Jake crouched down. “You’re okay.”

Charlie pulled away when he felt Jake’s lips on his cheek. He looked back as a sorry to Jake, but he seemed to understand. “Jake, can you hide our weed at home?”

“We don’t have any left,” Jake mumbled. “Why?”

“Just wanted you too,” Charlie shrugged as he felt a small tear escape his eye. He wanted weed so bad right now, he was sick and he needed an output for his thoughts so bad. But he can’t what happened last night. He reassured himself that Danton was alive and he was breathing. He didn’t look like he was breathing, but goddamn he was. 

“You know, when me and him were in China,” Sean began after a few minutes after Charlie spoke. His eyes looked sorrowful. “Danton flirted with so bad… He’s such a terrible flirter.”

“What was the worst thing he said?” Jake pried, Charlie saw his eyebrow raise slightly.

“He said, ‘Are you the Great Wall of China? Because I want my body on you,’” Sean sniffled but had a touch of laughter. “It was so bad…”

‘You can say that again,” Jake snickered. “I think my flirting is great. I had Charlie wanted me to date him as soon as I said hello on the first day in Providence.”

“Yeah,” Charlie muttered. He shuffled his hands together. He remembered when he met Jake. Charlie thought he was so handsome at first sight and each time Jake talked to him it felt like it was a schoolboy crush thing. 

“Jake,” Sean sniffled again but had more of a smile on his face. “That’s not even flirting. That’s called being a nice pers-”

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Charlie jumped out of his chair and looked at the machine that counted Danton’s heartbeat and then at Danton’s chest. It wasn’t going up or down anymore. Sean raced to Danton’s bed and started crying in a heartbeat. Jake left the room to call someone down. 

“Oh god, Danton, Danton!” Sean made a high pitched streaked as Charlie watched him lightly touch Danton’s face. “C’mon, please…”

Finally, which seemed so long in Charlie’s head, the doctors and surgeons came in and pushed Sean aside from his lifeless boyfriend. 

“He needs cardioversion,” Charlie heard one of the doctors say when he was ushered out the room. 

“Oh god, it might be too late though-”

The door closed and one of the nurses started to cool off Sean. Charlie spotted another one and went up to him. “Is he going to survive? Please, please be real with me…”

The man looked down and took a deep sigh. “Kid, I don’t know how to tell you this, but there’s not a slim chance for him now. He’s most likely going to die. I’m very sorry for this loss”

The man patted Charlie's shoulder and went away with Sean to comfort him. Charlie only stood in the dark hallway, with the door behind him a soon to be dead Danton. 

All of a sudden Jake, who’s eyes were starting to bawl, tapped him on the shoulder. “C’mon Charlie, he’s going to be fine…”

Charlie blinked and tears were flung out of his eyes. He couldn’t believe Jake at all. The door behind him was the person he had killed. He caused the death of Danton Rodney Heinen. “Can I have your keys? I wanna go home.”

“You can drive my car, just remind-” Jake had wail before he could finish. “Just pick me up when you’re ready.”

Jake kissed Charlie’s head and when he gave him his keys, Charlie stormed off and ran away from everything he caused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor danton he better be back with his bf. sweeny is going to pay lmao
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie goes home.

When Charlie got to Jake and his home, he put his back to the front door and closed it with a whimper. He dragged his body down it and cried. He threw his phone across the phone and he flinched as he heard the screen break. He watched his phone on the other side of the room, the back screen was ruined just like himself.

He never hated himself with a burning passion. He didn’t know why no one blamed him. He was the reason why. Charlie was the reason why number 43 on the Boston Bruins was dead. Everyone was going to be so upset. Sean was going to be upset. Charlie was going to hell. He was going to burn forever.

Charlie couldn’t take it anymore. He needed his weed. This pain was too much. He had to take it. “God, you’re a big fucking mistake you know that?”

Charlie wasn’t the person to talk to himself, but when he did, it was normally hatred for himself. 

“You always need your fucking drugs. Now, look at Danton. He's dead because of you. God, I don’t know who is the bigger fucking mistake. His death or you. God, why just-” 

Charlie put his hands on his face. He hated crying. He didn’t want to pity himself. He shivered and got up, and walked to Jake’s coats. Charlie left his coat at Sean’s apartment, but he didn’t give a fuck. He didn’t want to see all the pictures of Danton and Sean being happy together. 

He didn’t want to see anything that was nonexistent no more. 

Charlie put on one of Jake’s coats and zipped it on and felt the warmth of it. Charlie wondered where Jake was, probably crying his ass off and saying his last goodbyes to Charlie. Charlie bet that that made Jake not even love Charlie anymore. 

Charlie carefully dried his eyes and got his keys. He opened his wallet to see how much there was. Only five dollars. Charlie gulped. He did pay extra last time. Maybe he will understand. 

Charlie opened his door again and closed it. Thank god he couldn’t see Boston Hospital from here. He sighed and started walking down the streets of Boston. The place where he got his weed was only a ten-minute walk. 

Charlie didn’t look at anyone when he walked there. He was normally polite to his neighbors and the people that walked by him, even saying hi, but the mood was different. 

Charlie felt like Danton’s corpse was watching him. Seeing every move he did. Danton was heaven, waiting for him to finally die and get his reward. 

Hell. 

He wondered if Sean took back about forgiving Charlie and blamed it on him. Sean was right. If Charlie was Sean, he would’ve blamed himself too. 

Sean despised him. Jake didn’t want to be his boyfriend anymore. Zdeno didn’t look down at Charlie as another son anymore. He was going to be the new outcast of the team.   
Danton was waiting in Heaven to see Charlie burn his corpse. 

“But you deserve it…” Charlie muttered and he sunk his hands into Jake’s coat’s pockets. I have to start looking for a new apartment after this, Charlie thought. 

He looked at the sky and did a frown. He imagined Danton there. Danton was never a religious person, but he did believe in God. Charlie guessed there was no one on earth that wished Danton to not go to Heaven after death. 

“I’m sorry,” Charlie whispered underneath his breath. “But that’s not something you should forgive me for.”

The time finally came, and Charlie dashed into the alleyway. He walked up some old rackety metal stairs that went to a door and Charlie knocked on it. The guy must be here. 

After what it felt to seem forever the door finally opened. 

“It’s you again?”

Charlie shrugged. He knew that the guy was sick of him for almost taking all his weed in the stock. “Yeah, can I have an ounce?”

“I’m running low ‘cause you take all of it,” The man sneered. “I gotta pay you extra because of that. You got so much last time!”

“It’s because my boyfriend and I were using it. He wanted to get some for his sister but we had extras left.”

“Blah, blah, blah. That stupid boyfriend of yours,” The man hissed. “I’m not giving you anything. I have like, none. And you take some all the time.”

“And I pay money,” Charlie hissed. The clouds in the sky started to go away and the sun beamed down on Charlie’s face. “Isn’t that the only thing you want? Need? Come on please…”

“Fuckin’ baby,” The man coughed. He was around Zdeno’s age, but he was more beaten up from old age. “Fine. That will be twelve bucks.”

“I only have five…” Charlie stammered. He bet Danton would be so angry right now, getting more of that addictive shit. 

“Okay, then leave.”

“Listen, man,” Charlie tried to keep the tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to be intimidated. “One of my best friends just died. And I was kind of the reason for what happened and I just, I need shit off my mind. It’s been so fucking much.”

The old man got pity when he said “Hold on” and closed the door. After a minute he opened it and he handed Charlie a bag. 

“Dude, this is gummy worms or whatever fuckin' animal," Charlie started explaining as he saw the gummy bears in the bag. “I mean they are nice, but-”

“Shhhh,” The man silenced Charlie and his voice went into a whisper. “These have weed in them. Put them in your bag. You can’t read what it says on the package, there like Japanese. They are free. My treat.”

Charlie looked down and placed them in Jake’s coat’s pocket. Without a warning, he hugged the old man with small tears coming out of his eyes. “Thank you, so much.”

The man pushed him away with a scowl. “Ay, get off. I’m not your fucking dad. Now leave me.” 

The old man with a frown with a pinch of vileness closed the door, leaving Charlie at the step of it. Charlie looked at the sky, now blue with now clouds. 

Danton would love a day like this. 

It was a pretty quick walk back to his house and Charlie closed the door and took a deep breath. He took Jake’s coat off and grabbed the gummies inside of it and opened the bag. Before he did anything, he looked at the pictures on the wall. One of them was Charlie, Jake, Pasta, and Danton. The other one was just Charlie and Jake. Charlie loved this picture so much. He grabbed the bag and took the photo off the wall and went to the bedroom. 

In the bedroom, Charlie cried before taking the gummies. The room was almost completely dark, except for the two windows that showed the small street of the city where Danton played. Charlie looked at the sky, at the picture and bed where Jake and he would snuggle every night. Except last night. 

Charlie took a deep breath and grabbed some of the squishy bears out of the beg. ‘I’m really sorry about this Danton. I know you don’t want me to do it, heck no one wants me to do it, but… Everything has been so goddamn hard. I miss you so much. I’m sorry I caused that confusion where I thought Sean and Jake were making out, I’m sorry for causing that fight, I’m sorry for causing that car crash, I’m sorry for fucking killing you. I know I will burn in hell. That’s where I belong.”

There was complete silence after that, only Charlie disrupted it with his whimpers. That was the final straw. He grabbed the gummies and threw them into his mouth. He did this multiple times, throw them in, chew them, and swallow. Throw them in, Chew them, and swallow. 

He did that until he got to the end of the bag where there was a couple left. But he was a tad full. He got up, and almost fell down for no reason. 

Charlie took a deep breath and went out of the room and went to the living room. He watched an episode of Modern Family for a few minutes until he started to get a bit dizzy. 

“Ughhh, what the fuck was in those gummies,” Charlie moaned in pain. He felt like he was going to throw up. He went to the place where the picture of Danton, Charlie, Jake, and whoever fucking else was on the wall and stopped. 

Weed never made him feel like this. Everything started to get slow and that’s when Charlie started to have a slight grasp of what happened. 

Those weren’t weed. 

In his dizzy mind, he went off to the bedroom and grabbed a pen and started writing on the wall, but his mind started not comprehending. He snatched the picture of him and   
Jake and he toppled over. Charlie sluggishly kissed the photo of Jake and he felt like he was crying again. 

And all through it all, he couldn’t see Danton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ?????

“Oh Danton, oh thank god,” Sean kissed his boyfriend's head. Jake watched as the blonde started to wake up. 

After a bit of shocking him, everything was fine. Zdeno came into the room and smiled. “Oh, there he is.”

The whole entire team came when Jake told the group chat that Danton’s heart stopped beating. He also called Charlie multiple times, but he understood that he needed time to himself. But when he left, things got better. 

“Oh god, there’s his pretty eyes,” Sean sniffled and he put his hand on Danton’s face. 

Danton started blinking and then he flinched. “Where the fuck am I?”

“You’re in the hospital, silly,” Coyle snickered. There was happiness on his face though. Everyone had happiness on their face. “Do you remember anything at all?”

Danton’s face clicked and then he nodded and then looked at Sean. “I’m sorry babe. I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t have left.” 

Danton started crying too, just like his boyfriend. “Sean, don’t cry.”

“It’s my fault…” Sean sniffled. Sean kissed Danton’s head. “I shouldn’t-”

“It’s that dumb person who fucking speeding,” Brad said angrily, but there was a hint of happiness for Danton in his voice.

“What happened to him anyway?’ Danton sniffled. 

Jake finally said something. “He got a broken leg but that’s it. When he is healed up he’ll go to court and go to jail for ten years. What he deserves.” 

“That’s good,” Sean smiled and kissed Danton’s head. “I thought you were going to die.”

“Well I wanted to say I love you again, that’s all.” Danton kissed Sean.

Everyone smiled even larger when Danton said that. Jake wondered how Charlie was doing though. 

He needed to tell him that Danton was alive. 

“Dude, like your heart stopped,” Brandon looked baffled. “And twenty minutes later, you are so energetic. Jesus.”

“I’m like that because of the riots,” Danton said after kissing Sean ten times straight. 

“Hey,” Jake finally spoke up about Charlie. “Can someone drive me to my house? I know all this shit is going down, but Charlie isn’t picking up his phone and I want to see if he’s okay?”

Danton’s face went bleak for a second. “Why? Is he okay?”

Sean whispered in his ear. Jake didn’t hear it, but he knew what it was from Danton’s face turning to a smile to a confused look and at the end was a somber face. 

“God, poor fucking Charlie,” Danton whispered, but he seemed like he was shouting in the silent room. “Can you please tell him it’s not his fault? I bet he feels like shit.”

“I can do that,” Jake bit his lip.

“I can drive you,” Jake looked up to see Zdeno, who had his car keys in his hand. “I want to see if my boy is okay, too.”

“Okay, step-dad,” Jake tried to crack a joke, but his anxiety didn’t help. 

\-----

When Zdeno pulled up his car near Jake and Charlie’s apartment, Jake took a deep breath. 

“Zee are you hungry?” Jake looked back at the tall man who was getting out of his car. “Y-you need anything?”

“An apple would be good,” Zdeno said charmingly as Jake opened the door. 

Everything looked normal. Jake could hear the TV though, and the volume was loud. He heard Modern Family in the background. Charlie didn’t even like that show.

“There are apples in the kitchen,” Jake shrugged. He pointed out the direction where it was, and the captain went. 

“Charlie!” Jake shouted. “Charlie, Danton’s alive!”

No one replied. 

“Maybe he’s sleeping,” Jake muttered. He went toward the bedroom and noticed that one of the pictures on the wall was missing. It was a picture of him and Charlie. It was the couple’s favorite picture. 

“Charlie? Baby, you in there?” Jake knocked on the bedroom door. 

When he got no answer, Jake opened the door. 

And there he was on the floor with his eyes flashed as if he was crying, yet extinct. On the wall, there was messy writing off “The man tricked me with his drugs, I love you, Jake” and the picture of Charlie and Jake.

Jake felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore, but he could, but the other one in the room didn’t. Jake wished miracles can happen, but they can’t after death.

Danton was alive, but the sweetest boy in the world, Charles Patrick McAvoy Jr., was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor charlie blame @big-zs-d-stan they made me do this lmao lmao
> 
> jkjkjk
> 
> thank you for reading !


End file.
